Category Archives: Soul Searching

It’s Okay, I Googled It.

Intentionality. That word sits there with those red squiggles that warn. So I did what I usually do when I am certain that all the letters are there and in the proper order; I googled it, just to make sure I did not make it up.

in·ten·tion·al·i·ty  (n-tnsh-nl-t)·ten·tion·al·i·ties

1. The state of having or being formed by an intention.

2. Philosophy The property of being about or directed toward a subject, as inherent in conscious states, beliefs, or creations of the mind, such as sentences or books.

It may not be a word used much, hence the red squiggles, but there it is. It is a word and I used it with intent.
One of the saving graces of Sonshine was the air-conditioned lounge that youth pastors and leaders could take advantage of. Our pastor said that since James and I were helping with the youth this weekend, we totally counted as youth leaders. Not only was this a spot of cold air, sugary snacks, and comfy sofa’s, but they would bring in bands from time to time for a meet and greet. On Friday I sat in with Hawk Nelson, Building 429, and Petra.
I was excited to see them all in concert later during the day, and it was great to meet them face to face and see how human they were before hand. Hawk talked about how they are trying to transform from just being a silly band with fun songs into a band with a purpose and intent. They thanked us for leading the youth and how they strive to lead the youth as well through their songs. They explained that their new album Made is trying to convey the message that God has created us just as we are. We are not a mistake. We were made with intent.
Building 429 said a lot of the same. They were constantly and intently searching for God’s will for their band. Since they are family men, having wives and raising children they talked about how as soon as one of their wives say they are done, they are done. This walk, this band, is one that is constantly searching for God’s will and will only continue to put out songs and do concerts if they believe that is God’s plan for them. They told us they are not living the dream, as many people think bands are. Their dream is to one day go home and be just husbands and fathers and to be able to have more time there.
The lead singer of Petra, John, was in the room later that evening. He talked of the early days, as they were the first Christian rock band to come out. He talked of how they were picketed, they were told they were going to hell, and how they overcame it. They loved what they do. They felt a calling from God and overcame great adversity to be able to get where they are, to get Christian music where it is. He realized that the group they are so longing to reach, the youth, are not their main audience anymore, but they still feel that they have a message to share and are excited to go out and still share it.
All of these bands, all of these people were so human. They discussed their faults and their humor. They laid bare some of their difficulties and struggles. They were there, sitting on those couches, and I was there, sitting on those couches. There was very little that separated me from these men. I have just as much faith; I am searching just as hard as God’s will. Why then do I feel like I am not worthy of being used to spread his word? Why do I feel like I am too much of sinner to be a shinning light?
I am beginning to realize that I am a useful vessel to God. I am one of His children, His princess, and I have all the heart needed to go out into the world and do huge and amazing things to His glory. I must search for His will for me. I must search and work with intentionality.