I wasn’t supposed to go, but I did.
A couple of months ago when I gave my testimony in church I was greeted the next Sunday by one of our super enthusiastic congregation members. She had two books for me, Walking with God and Waking the Dead. Both of which were about taking your faith further and praying in a way that brings you into a close, intimate relationship with God. The author discussed praying, and then listening. Listening for words of encouragement, for advice, and for guidance. I had just started this practice, trying to make some decisions based on what I believe God is bringing before me rather than based on my logic, social norms, and culture imposed ideas.
So when it was time to make the decision on whether to RSVP to this event or not, I asked. Should I go? Money was tight, me being employed part-time. But this was a wedding for a close college friend and I wanted to support her. It was really far away, about a 19 hour car ride, and buying a plane ticket was definitely too expensive. But she came to my wedding, she was even a bridesmaid, I should go to hers.
Now, that is pretty much how that prayer went in my head. I asked, should I go? And instead of truly listening I went through the pro’s and con’s list in my head. I waited for two seconds, gave up, and sent in my RSVP with a check mark for a yes. I was going to meet my friend Emily in our college town of Grand Rapids, MI and then we would be off to Canada for the wedding.
I forgot my passport.
She forgot her passport.
Her car broke down.
We missed the wedding.
I was stuck in four hours of stop and go traffic.
In the end, I was happy that I was able to see my friend happy and totally in love, since we did still make it to the reception. The trip cost me, in time, money (add an extra $20 bucks for over-nighting a passport), and in stress. My husband couldn’t come, and this was the longest time I had spent away from him.
I was glad that I was able to spend some time with friends and show my support for the new couple, but maybe next time I should spend some more time listening. Maybe I was supposed to go to the wedding, but the problem was I went without God’s blessing.
Now, as James and I are trying to make a decision about next year, as we are feeling our hearts being tugged in many different directions we are praying, should we stay or should we go? I am not sure of the answer yet, all I know is that I am going to really listen hard this time around.